A Killer’s Backstory

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Earl started killing when he was in grade school—first frogs, then rabbits and cats; then later, raccoons, coyotes and stray dogs, always seeking out targets on which to vent his frustrations. His classmates sometimes questioned his cruelty, and Earl sensed he was different. He was never able to muster a normal ability to feel compassion for others and failed to see the value of the sanctity of life—human or otherwise.

Any feelings of regret were only fleeting and self-serving. Remorse was outside his realm of emotions. Earl never thought, “Why did I do that?” but sometimes he wondered, “What have I got myself into now?” He depersonalized and objectified the victims he sought to control and found that any action could be justified. He became so adept at rationalizing and compartmentalizing that killing grew to be second nature; he could do it in his sleep. The problem with being so proficient at taking and possessing another’s life is that he got to where he couldn’t seem to not do it. For him, it was addictive.

Seized by a frenzied desire, each new project was all-consuming. A successful kill would only temporarily satiate the urge to possess—to have total control over something. His propensity toward violence was at first latent, then active, growing finally into his central preoccupation—his obsession. Yet he was able to fit into society by forming a façade, a mask that allowed him to blend in wherever he went. He watched how people reacted to things and acquired by rote the social skills he did not come by naturally.

One of Earl’s proudest moments was the day his father first asked him to join him for a hunt. As they lay in wait for their quarry, Earl was nearly overwhelmed with anticipation, feeling surges of excitement like he’d never known before. A powerful sense of adventure had been building all morning, starting well before dawn, when they loaded their rifles, ammo, hack saw, butcher knives and body bags into the truck. On the drive to the kill site, they chattered about the 4-point buck they were going to blast and bring home and where they would mount his head. Earl’s state of high arousal grew to an almost frenzied desire to kill. He knew that when he did, the reward would be sweet fulfillment of the kind of deep gratification that he sought. When they spotted “their” deer, his father told him not to feel sorry for it. But the pep talk was unnecessary–Earl felt nothing for the deer in his sights.

All he knew was an irresistible urge to possess it, body and spirit. To physically possess its remains and be the master and owner of all it ever was or will be. Pulling the trigger and taking its life was the ultimate possession; as satisfying as he always knew it would be.

Earl made his first human kill at age 15. He was an angry teenager and she was a ten year old neighbor girl in the wrong place at the wrong time…
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The preceding was an excerpt from a novel in progress I’m working on—a piece of fiction based-on-fact…

Text and Wildlife Photography ©Jim Robertson, 2013. All Rights Reserved

Text and Wildlife Photography ©Jim Robertson, 2013. All Rights Reserved

16 thoughts on “A Killer’s Backstory”

  2. Hi Jim. I am sitting on the deck enjoying this beautiful day reading your book ” Living Targets of a Dying Sport” I’m I am halfway through Chapter 9 about the Bears. You are hiking in Alaska and you come face to face with a 700 pound bear. I am enjoying the journey along with you, except for the bear that had to be a heart pounder, I am sad that hunters can’t see it the way you do, especially the part about the wolves in Yellowstone, I wonder how many of them are gone now? All in all,I’m giving it a five-star read!
    I will be looking forward to your next book, especially after reading the above post can’t wait to read it, hopefully it won’t take me 5 months to get started.
    All the best, Nancy

    Reply ↓

      • Hi Jim! I love your writing style, I will read your books in the Winter when we are snowed in.
        To answer Nancy’s question, at last I was aware of about 75 wolves in Yellowstone. It is not even a genetically viable population. There are more wolves in sanctuaries in Maine than there are in Yellowstone! Unfortunately, the captive population is all neutered or spayed. Nobody anticipated the wild wolf slaughter. Even my females are spayed, I ran out of money to do the two males. Although it was lack of funds, it got me thinking that maybe we have to pair up with other sanctuaries and keep either one intact male Alpha or female at the other location, one intact, healthy female? I do have serious doubts about wild wolve’s survival if policy isn’t changed and soon. Don’t get me wrong, I do not run a breeding facility, I am just looking at being prepared for the worst case scenerio. I’m too old and lame to raise a whole litter of pups, but I can keep an adult male intact for the rest of their natural lives. Both are crate trained at night. I have 3 day enclosures that open to a central enclosure, which opens to my back door, inside of which are their sleeping crates. They like to come in because they eat in their crates, too. My goal is to pai them up and let them live natural lives as possible but not give them any chance to fight over food or breeding rights. This is pretty standard for my area, which is prime wolf habitat in Western Maine. I wish I could afford to enclose the whole place but as it is now, they can run.

        I am concerned that there is a pair of teens hunting pets at night. My husband’s cat went missing and so did the neighbor’s cat. Just last week! My husband saw the teens, one of on the road, one of in the woods, twice, around midnight

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