Humans Suddenly Get It, Go Vegan En Masse

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The species Homo sapiens woke up this morning to a sudden collective realization that they are plant eating primates, not some Tyrannosaurus-like super predators. Instantly, as if waking with a start from a bad dream, it came to each and every human at exactly 8:00 a.m. that all their problems would be solved if they changed their carnivorous ways.

By day’s end, with the whole of humanity now born again vegan, people begin to feel better than ever—revitalized—with a glow of guilt-free contentment. World hunger eases and peace seems actually attainable since folks have moved beyond their self-centered lust for animal flesh. And the once hunted and farmed animals rejoice, knowing that fleshy two-leggers are over their foolish power trip and are now treating them with fairness and respect.

It’s been a long time coming and not a moment too soon. Starting today, winter solstice, December 21st, 2013 will be known as Happy Vegan Day, a time when all people exchange cruelty-free gifts in honor of the glorious occasion.

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(This has been another installment in EtBG’s “Headlines We’d Like to See.”)

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14 thoughts on “Humans Suddenly Get It, Go Vegan En Masse”

  4. Zzz… Zzz… *wakes up* “Huh? Wha… Oh man, I just had the best dream…”

    Well done, Jim. Going vegan was so very easy for me. Eggs, cheese and butter were the last hurdles, but only because they were convenience foods. Going vegan does require changing one’s relationship with food, and I’ll go as far as to say I think going vegan is the result of having one’s world-view changed.

    For years I was both oblivious and in denial of the cruelty of farming and captivity. While meat had grossed me out for years, a few viewings of ‘Glass Walls’, ‘Earthlings’ and ‘Forks over Knives’ sealed the deal on ditching the dairy.

    I have suffered from ridiculous existential angst since childhood and, because I’m an INTJ (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) questioning idioms, dogma and the status quo is part of my makeup. I think that combination actually made it easy for me to accept the depressing truths and see the logic, empathy and beauty of veganism. Not everybody has the same advantage, if that’s the correct word.

    Ignorance truly is bliss, and once the veil that covers farming, cruelty and captivity is lifted, it can set off a chain reaction of personal ‘consciousness raising’ events, most of them quite uncomfortable. Many people just aren’t ready for them. Other impediments include the ‘cultural’ expectations of what food is beyond sustenance; a reward, comfort, security, status, identity, and other psychological compensations. Exposing someone to the cruelty of carnivorism before they’ve asked themselves some fundamental questions can really rattle their cage (Ha- I made a pun).

    I wish I knew a way to very subtly nudge people towards veganism, and let them take as many baby steps as they need to, but that would also mean nudging them toward a personal paradigm shift. I have not figured how to do that.

    You can lead a carnivore to the salad bar, but you can’t make him have an epiphany.

    ***
    This is a good site:
    http://vegnews.com/articles/page.do?pageId=2763&catId=2

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  5. ” Starting today, winter solstice, December 21st, 2013 will be known as Happy Vegan Day, a time when all people exchange cruelty-free gifts in honor of the glorious occasion.”

    I Love this! It’s going on my Google calendar for next year. I wonder if I’ll get the day off work…

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