I appreciate all the kind words in response to yesterday’s post about my 91 year old aunt’s passing. In all honesty though, it wasn’t much of a surprise. For the past five years or so, old-age dementia (formerly known as senility) had gradually taken over to the point where she hardly knew who I was. Every time I visited she would ask me the same questions about where I live and show me the same picture of her dog and say, “Did you ever meet Duffy?” To those comments about how much I must surely miss her, I guess I’d have to say, I’ve been missing her for years now.
Mental regression, as she, and to a lesser extent, my father experienced, is apparently one of a those blessed natural processes that softens the blow when a loved one is moving on. Hospice professionals know this as withdrawal. My dad’s death in January was a textbook case of a person naturally shutting down and shutting off from his loved ones as though to spare us all the kind of grief that comes when someone suddenly departs in the prime of their lives.
Through constant media bombardment, we’ve been asked to share in that grief for James Gandolfini, the actor who dropped dead in the “prime” of his life. Not being a real fan of the mafia soap opera genre (except the end-all classic films, the Godfather and Goodfellas), I must not have taken it as hard as most people. I can’t seem to get past the all-too-convincing performance by Gandofini as a torture-porn and snuff-film producer in the movie, 8mm. Besides, in some ways I think of him as one of the lucky ones.
Unlike most people these days, he didn’t have to suffer the indignity of lying around helpless and bedridden for months on end, slowly fading away, just waiting for the inevitable. If modern medicine has its way, that’s how all of us will eventually go. Hell, there’s a thriving industry devoted to ensuring it; many of its captains are the very same people who vocally oppose state “Death with Dignity” acts.
People often want to do the most humane thing to end the suffering when their dog or cat is ready to move on. Putting a miserable, old animal to sleep to spare them anguish and indignity is condoned and encouraged. You would think society would be willing to impart the same compassion for human beings in that situation.
Cartoon ©FOX/Family Guy
Exposing the Big Game 
Used to tell my kids that if I ever get to the point of not functioning in a productive manner, to call Dr. K. He’s gone now so not sure who they can call these days. Nevertheless, the human inclination to prolong life to the farthest extent possible is indicative of our deep separation from the natural world. We continually try to lengthen life with little regard as to the quality that life may experience. Another misconception we harbor is the notion that people die prematurely. In the REAL world of nature, at least half the populations of most animals or plants never make it to maturity; dying young actually is quite natural. I stunned a group with this thinking a couple of nights ago – no one argued the point, I just don’t think they ever thought about how life truly plays itself out when not artificially supported.
All our engineering of human survival has led to an exponential increase in our species’ population at the near time expense of so many others species. But what most people never ponder is that as we push out habitats and species, we eventually will push out our own. In essence our obsession with human survival will one day lead to our own extinction.
There is no easy answer. How can one ethically not help an ailing individual when cures are available? Certainly I could not deny anyone the option to avail themselves of treatment. In quite the conundrum we “intelligent” humans have put ourselves…
The Hemlock Society has a publication available about easing yourself or a loved one’s way to a peaceful end. It involves two tanks of helium, some hose a clear bag and duct tape. They say make sure you buy balloons at the party store when you get the tank. This is like Dr. K. ,but you will need help. Someone to do it and clean up the mess later plus call the authorities to report a death. I’m not telling how they do it except that it is a helium process.
My mom passed in 2008. She had three strokes, the last one leaving her in a coma. For a week she deteriorated in her bed without food or water. All they told me is that about 12 hours after we hear the death rattle in her breathing, she would pass on. So we sat there and kept her company for a week, I played her favorite songs on the guitar, as hearing is the last thing to go. Other musician friends played while I slept. Feeling over tired, I took my aged Uncle home so he could sleep. We planned to be there at 7 am. But got a call at 6 am that she was gone. They finally gave her enough morphine to end her suffering. I felt helpless that whole week, watching her basically starve and dehydrate to death. I thought how crude that was. Once someone is in the process of dying, I think increasing the morphine sooner than a week is the final kindness and I hope we understand that soon. Suffering should be made unnessassary.
Definitely.
It’s the quantity of days lived, not quality of life that seems to matter these days.
And people forget that overpopulation is not just a result of breeding, but also of prolonging human lives unnaturally.
The title of your excellent post says it all but your additional explanation is needed for those who have not thought of things this way. I certainly have, seeing 3 loved family members and many animals through their last days. Euthanasia by morphine overdose should be required for all who are just waiting to die, being treated like infants, and worse, and often by disgruntled strangers. We should have trained experts who do nothing but euthanasia, and never abuse the practice. Unfortunately people abuse everything. Still, mercy killing would be better than what people do now in letting people just slowly agonize away, blind or speechless, etc., helpless. Thank you for this needed perspective on this matter, I agree with you.
Thank you Laura for adding the additional explanation needed for folks who haven’t seen it. I guess I wasn’t ready to give a detailed description of their undignified ends.
A Facebook friend commented: It is strange isn’t it. I mean, I know a lot of people who’ve had to put animals down because of organ failure or cancer, and it’s agony for the owners to do it, BUT in the end their compassion for the animal wins out. In contrast, I’ve known people…some of the same people…who’ve had grandparents die almost unspeakable deaths, sometimes lingering for years, with no avenues to end their suffering.